One of the great things I've discovered about homeschooling is that it forces me to take time for myself because if I didn't, I would go absolutely insane. I'm also encouraged to continue thinking of myself as a learner, to try new things, and to really push beyond my comfort zone. Maybe it's feeling a greater responsibility or something, but I'm more aware of the kind of person I am and want to be, and what and how I model for my children. I'm not sure why homeschooling makes this more clear to me, but I'm grateful for the clarity.
Last night I attended a workshop led by Nan Phifer on writing about childhood. I was a bit skeptical. I have a thing about memoir-writing. It's actually a few things, none of which make any sense. I'm just a fiction girl. I like to read fiction. I like to write fiction. Although, I have to say it was that Autobiographical Writing class at Amherst that made me realize there was only one thing that I wanted to spend the rest of my time in college doing. I am most comfortable with memoir writing. My best writing has been about me, and it just flows so effortlessly. Maybe that's the thing. I feel like it should be all work and suffering.
I didn't buy her book, Memoirs of the Soul because I'm trying to spend as little money as possible these days, but it's on hold for me at the library. I especially like how she addresses the "But who am I to write a memoir?" question, which is one of those things I have about memoir-writing.
What makes memoirs interesting has little to do with the importance or achievements of the writer. Rather, the shared experiences, vivid memories, expressed feelings, and reflections that affect the mind and heart of the reader are what make memoirs significant. Think of the novels you have loved. The main characters are not usually people of renown or great achievement. It is their humanity that is important to us. In writing about your inner life, you will show your humanity.
This is actually my thing with blogging, too. Who cares? Honestly, Who is that interested in my life. I'm not famous or accomplished or anything. But then, I'll spend an evening reading some strangers weblog because there is something about what this person conveys that rings true, that resonates with my existence. Hmmm...
After the workshop ended She was all, "Okay, now get to work on that memoir!", and all the other participants were like, "Yeah, you bet!" And I couldn't believe that all these people were just raring to get their memoirs written. I seemed to be the only one struggling with the questions of significance and relevance. I think the narcissistic implications of the memoir are hard for me to get past. But I suppose it's really my own perceptions that I have to get past. Let she who cannot stop making everything about her, write a story with a protoganist that is a thinly-veiled version of herself. Or something.
I like the idea of the memoir as a personal tool; a family record, a means of initiating a reconciliation, an invitation to family and friends for a deeper understanding, a memorialization of a loved one or sacred moment. Thinking about it in that way makes the whole thing so much more appealing.
Some of her advice— Don't be afraid to ramble, Don't judge what you write, Be careless and free with your rough draft— reminds me of Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones, which really inspired me to consider the value of journaling, and writing for and from the self. When I asked Nan her opinion on how weblogs fit into the picture, she called them a form of journaling, and made a clear distinction between journal writing and memoir writing. With memoir writing the emphasis is on specific moments or memories, and the creative power they hold, as opposed to just putting down the random particulars of the mind at any given moment. I don't know. I think of each post as a kind of mini-memoir. Who would want to read my journal?
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